Children start misbehaving only later as they grow. There is usually a celebration when parents have a newly born child especially if it is the first in the family. They are congratulated, and the whole experience is overwhelming as though it should never end. The child becomes like a well of joy that never runs dry. But sadly, in some cases, the joy gradually fades, replaced with heart ache and restlessness. The celebration changes into regrets, the smiles into sad faces, the dance into wailing, and the hope into nightmare. The well of joy is now a furnace. The common question that keeps coming is ‘Why me, why me?’, and no answer comes – but then who should it be. There are factors that affect the child’s behaviour, but that happens mostly as a result of parents’ laxity. How?
1. Societal influence
The society is always a guest in our homes, but we often don’t know it. When the child does well, we beat out chest and say we are good parents. When the child does poorly, we say we don’t know how the attitude came about. Either way, the society plays a role. The society can make or destroy a child. What makes up the society? The people and their behaviours mainly. The non-human objects like houses, cars, and clothing are all part of the society, but they are all creations from people and their behaviours. The child is influenced as he/she interacts with the society. They see behaviours and get attracted. They see objects and social life styles and are attracted. They want to belong to a group or possess something they see. This is where the parents’ participation comes in. No matter what the parents provide in the house, children get attracted to other things outside. The parents need to be involved in the children’s lives. Know their interests so that you could correct wrongly directed ones. As a parent, you should look around your environment to see features that could have negative influence on the children. Don’t hesitate to move out if you sense any danger. When you don’t, you contribute to the children’s bad behavior.
2. Parental Laxity about the child’s worries
Whenever a child shows signs of worry, take it serious. Is it in form of social discomfort, sickness or need? If the child does not get a satisfactory or reliable attention of the parents, and the experience continues for a long time, the child will unconsciously begin to find his or her way out of the worry; and it’s often the wrong way. Children become wild when they don’t get the ideal support of their parents when they have worries. They begin to seek solutions on their own. As soon as they can ignore their parents, they can ignore anything and anyone else. It’s always to damn the consequence. If things get harder for them, they resort to intake of hard drugs. When situations are already out of hands, that is when parents begin to show concern. After a period of failed attempts to correct the situation, they claim to have done their best. You don’t need your best to avoid this, but you will need your best in trying to correct it; and often times, it does not work out.
3. Jobs take over parent’s time and attention
You are too busy chasing money, bragging that you fend for the family, blind to the harm you inflict on the family’s co-existence; sorry you have actually been busy destroying it. The failure and success of the family depends on you, whatever your effort produces is exactly what you have been working for. Well, you didn’t know. If you knew, you would have done it differently. That is it. Any claim that you have been working hard for the children is self-deception. The children may not see that good effort of yours. What they see is what affects them directly. As a parent you need the job, but if the job takes away your children and gives you torment, and maybe a decease that would eventually kill you, would you still keep the job? Maybe you should not have got the children. Parents need to spend time with their children no matter the tight schedules. The children will respect the parents more if they are able to blend their work and their home responsibilities, satisfying their bosses and customers, and not leavng their children dissatisfied.
The daily lives of parents are the best examples children would imitate. It is harder for children to learn the good characters of their parents, but the bad ones are very easy to learn. A family in which children always see quarrels between parents builds hatred in the children. The child could grow hatred for either the father or the mother or both parents. Sometimes it could go as bad as the child harming one of the parents to defend the weak one. As soon as a child is able to raise a hand to hit his or her father, parental control is gone between that child and that father. Therefore parents should even for the sake of their children, live a harmonious life filled with show of love. When a child develops bad character as a result of constant quarrels between his or her parent, that child has got bad parental influence. Therefore it is the parents’ fault that the child is bad.
5. Use of house helps
Some parents relinquish their parental responsibilities to total strangers. Their children become the children of maids or other paid helpers in the house. The children could get influenced by these strangers negatively. There are no professional maids, there are only desperate people looking for how to meet their needs. There is hardly any person that aspires to be a maid, difficult situations bring them to that; therefore they always have little or nothing at all that is good for the children. That is not to say that there are no good people among them. You should know that if your children find your maid fun to be with, then it’s likely you have lost them.
6 Danger of Divorce
It’s worrisome that parents often think it’s nothing to just wake up one morning and say ‘I am done with this marriage’. Most divorces are avoidable, but only few people try to avoid it. You think it’s nothing to bring up a child as a divorced parent. That’s not true. A lot get missing in the upbringing of a child who has witnessed the break of his or her family. The child is made to share in the pain he or she did not partake in creating. While the parents may be enjoying their separation, the child is being plunged into a lifetime of sadness. He or she certainly has a bad father or bad mother or bad parents altogether. The behaviour of such child will hardly be in its best.
No one can fill the gap meant for the parent in the life of their children. As a parent, you have not done your child a favour by giving birth to him or her. It is your exclusive choice to have the child. You longed to have one, and you have them. There is no negotiation between you and the child before he or she is born. Therefore you must respect them and give them more care than you will give anything else in the world. That way you could say you have done your best. Your best has to produce a good result. You should not end in failure and say you have done your best. There is always a way out.